the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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