I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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