He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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