I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
