I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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