i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
