i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
