I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she peed on how many people?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
