I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
