Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
