How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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