She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
