You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
