I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
