No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
