My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
