Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
