I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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