He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
