so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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