i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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