i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
