I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
