I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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