Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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