oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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