That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.