he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.