you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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