i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
