I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
