I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
