I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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