I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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