Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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