it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I won the penis lottery.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
nutella sex= disaster
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
