If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
