I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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