Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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