woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
