I think my vagina is haunted
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
