I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I could make wine with my vomit
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
