I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
