HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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