I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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