from now on my penis is your penis
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
