so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
