Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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