End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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