he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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