I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
