Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
