My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
