Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize