first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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