you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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