Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Houston, we have a blender
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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