Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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