Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
