Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
