He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
