fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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