make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
