I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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