yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
