ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
