she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
