The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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