he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
