kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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