i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There r osticjed everywhere
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
And then he peed in my hair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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