he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
