So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
