I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
