saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
