I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
