I think I am morally bankrupt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
