I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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