You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
